Farewell My Friend

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another”.  ~Anatole France

In life there is love and loss, but with loss comes the opportunity for something new to love… I however, am not quite to that stage in my “grief”. Today, I am feeling the beginnings of loss. I know that some may not understand my heartache, but if you’ve ever had a special place that has intigrated itself into the very fibers of your being, has become a part of you, and has helped you to grow into who you are becoming then you know what I am feeling.

For me, this place is my local Borders and specifically the very cafe that I am sitting at present for what may be the last time.

Now, I know it’s just a building and just a business, and there are other book stores out there, but to me it has been so much more over the years. It has been my refuge, my escape, my battlefield, my inspiration, my challenger, my friend.

It all began several years ago, when my love affair with reading was rekindled and I discovered the stacks anew. Countless hours spent -and in all honesty, probably countless dollars too *shh don’t tell hubby* ;)- browsing the different genres, learning where all the titles of my new favorite authors rested waiting for me to find them. Imagination, fantasy, and creativity infused new life deep into my soul. For years I struggled lacking the proper creative outlet for me allowing a dormancy to take root, but Borders on it’s white stallion charged in trampling it, letting the seedlings of creativity grow.

*dramatic much?* Sigh. Today I’m feeling especially dramatic and sentimental. Don’t they know? I DON’T DEAL WITH CHANGE WELL! I’m one of those “slow to process big change” people. Borders has been with me from the very beginning of not only my reading rebirth, but my writing journey. I have a favorite spot in the cafe that my muse shows up with fresh inspiration as I gaze out at all the stacks of all those that have gone before me in this journey. All the imagination! The creativity! The realized dreams! – staring right back at me, willing me to keep going, to keep writing, to keep following my dream.

Borders has not only been my safe haven for all the words in my head to find freedom, but it holds social sentiments as well. I have made friends here- the staff all know me and the baristas know my name and my drink (which who doesn’t love that?)- I met a special writer friend here who has been a point of inspiration and motivation for me (you know who you are 😉 It is also the place my mom, my daughter and I go to spend time together. I have been bringing my daughter here since she was tiny (granted she’s only 2). When we drive by she yells from her car seat kicking her feet in excitment, “Book store?” She loves to run up and down the isles and have her “special drink” in the cafe with Grammy. She LOVES to read- girl after my own heart!

Now where will I go? My muse is stubborn, I’ll have to begin coaxing her off the ledge of despair into a hope that there is another place she can flourish and be free. I know… dramatic. Her, of course, not little ol’ me 😉

So to the Borders of Northpointe Shopping Center, Thank You and Goodbye.

“Change always comes bearing gifts.”  ~Price Pritchett

I was partially inspired to write this after reading Christina Katz’ post on her Borders memories- give it a read!

What about you? Do you have any Borders memories to share?

Out with the old…

You know how the old addage goes: “Out with the old, in with the new”.  Bye Bye 2010 and Hello 2011!   I am READY for something NEW.

Don’t get me wrong there were good parts for sure: Living in TN and experiencing life there with my little family, traveling across the country (with moving truck and 10mo old) coming “home” so our daughter could get to know her extended family, and living at a lake for the entire summer.  Also during this year, my daughter had her 1st B-day, crawled, swam, walked, talked (a LOT), started music class (she loves to sing and dance), and fell in love with the Sesame Street gang (Abby, Elmo, and Cookie to name a few).  It is my joy and honor to watch her learn and grow and develop who she is.  On another front, I started my 2nd novel and wrote approx 60,000 words (which isn’t too terribly bad considering I moved 3 times and have been chasing a toddler around).  Unfortunately, I have yet to complete my 1st novel but am looking forward to it this next year (more on that later).

So as you can see, some great things happened this year and a lot of FIRSTS experienced with my little girl.  Those things I will cherish! There were also things that I am looking forward to moving passed and leaving behind.  Now I know that the struggles and dark times in our lives help shape and form who we are based on our responses and choices, but does that mean that I want to go through them? HELL NO!  No more on that.  It’s time to look forward.  It’s time to evaluate what I want to accomplish and believe for in this new year.  Yes, it’s just another day in the timeline of our lives and is merely psychological, but it’s a milestone marker.  I believe we need these markers to help guide our way and see where we’ve been and to take stock of our lives and evaluate the type of people we have become.  Do we continue in the direction we have been going perhaps making minor adjustments or is it time to correct and change paths?

2011…

First off, I am inspired by Ali Edwards “One Little Word”.  I started this last year and was inspired to do pick a word for this year.  I think I might even take her OLW class.  After much thought and meditation, my word for this year is BECOME.

ME: These are goals for me. Now that might sound selfish, but I believe I am only able to give as much as I have or am and if I’m not taken care of, then I am not able to fully give to my hubby, to my daughter, to others, and to my craft.

  • become more fully the me I am to be. Become and grow myself into ME as an individual, as a woman, as a wife, and as a mother.
  • feel good about myself: eat better, exercise regularly, get “me” time.
  • become DISCIPLINED and consistent with my creativity: writing, journaling, scrapping, etc.

FAMILY: Loving my family more and more in the ways that they need to be loved, not necessarily in the way I think they should.  Spending more time nurturing, cultivating, playing, and simply LOVING my beautiful daughter who will be 2 this year.

EXPRESSIONS OF CREATIVITY: This could be titled “Work” but I want my work to be expressions of who I am, of my creativity.

  • become and grow into a better writer. This also means becoming disciplined and consistent with a writing schedule.
  • finish 1st novel, edits, revisions, and finally query!
  • become more active in my other expressions: I want to be more free and learn to be more expressive and versatile with “journaling”.  I also want to get back to “scrapping”.

This is just what I’ve been thinking about so far and I retain the right to alter and/or add to these at anytime throughout this year.  It’s ok for us me to fail, as long as we I keep trying! (see there I am making this personal to me 😉 I want to remember that life is made up of “the messy bits” and to not try to keep it so “clean”.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Happy 2010!

Ok so it’s already 2 days into the new year.  I’m a little late getting this started, but better late than never right?!  A new year = a new start.  This is my fresh start blog.  I have some goals I will be sharing for this new year, but I can’t share them until I have them selected and written so they are coming soon.  I just wanted to get something posted before too many days slipped by as I can tell you that becoming a more dedicated blogger will be on my goal list.  I am pasting in my last post from 2009 for a summary of where I have come from.  As much as I want to put this last year in the past and move on, I think it’s important to know where you come from in order to decide where you are going.  So here it is:

Looking Back…

There are only 2 1/2 hours left of the year 2009 and I could not be more excited to wave goodbye and put this year in the past. Looking back: my husband and I said ‘goodbye’ to a grandparent each (mine being the last living grandparent I had), we lived with my husband’s parents as business in real estate and development had taken a turn for the worst with the sliding economy, we said ‘hello’ to our first baby (a girl who was and is the bright spot in our lives), we watched friends and family struggle with the effects of the economy, we filed for bankruptcy, we followed a dream and moved to Tennessee, we were betrayed by a business partner and longtime friend that we are still cleaning up from and feeling the personal effects.There were many challenges, but in the midst of sadness, chaos, uncertainty, disappointment, and deep hurt there was also great joy, good memories and moments to be cherished. Living with my in-laws was a great blessing in a time that could have been extremely stressful. I had a fantastic pregnancy full of peace and joy. My daughter was born this summer and has been nothing but a joy and gift ever since. God is faithful and I believe that even when we are still dealing with some of the mess of 2009. I don’t know why we go through some of the things that we do, but depending on how we choose to walk through them I believe that they make us stronger; they show us who we are. That said, I’m ready to put this year behind me and look forward to this new year. I know there are good things in store for my family and I am excited for a fresh start. Thoughts and goals for 2010 yet to come…

2010 is going to be a good year!