Ugghhh! Today, I’m ranting. I feel pent up and need to let it out, but where to release the flood of irritations that are within me, but here at my precious blog that hopefully no one will read and really shouldn’t read. I haven’t been able find my personal journal since we moved, so this is where it is landing. I NEED to write, I feel it building within me but I haven’t had, found, made the time to get it out and thus it creates a bubble stretched so tight fearing it will pop at any moment. I’ve been housebound to much recently and my daughter (bless her heart) is having a rough time geting the ‘napping thing’ down to longer than 30 min – which needless to say is not enough time to do hardly anything. I’m irritated which isn’t helpful. I feel confined within myself as well as my surrounding, but thank God the weather is warming up so we can get outside (silly enough, being able to wear my beloved flip flops today is a small release from the confinement of the gray, cold winter – every little bit helps ;). I’m frustrated with my writing when I get the chance to work on it. It’s not flowing how I feel it should and I feel like my story is stifled and it’s not being told properly, which probably means I went wrong somewhere. I’m tired of the “transition” our life has been in to be honest. It seems like it’s been a long one. I know it hasn’t been easy on my husband as he is carrying the brunt of this burden while I rear the child (which I am extremely honored to be able to do). It just feels like we are on the edge of something different, good, and exciting but just not quite able to touch it. I know we will get there and I have faith for it, but today my irritations are getting the best of me. I hoping by getting it out here, that I will be rid of it. Shake it off! Get it together! I will but for now, I need to rant. You don’t have to read it. I’ll probably just delete it later so you can’t read it. Oh well. I am very blessed to be in the situation we are in for our life and living arrangements until something different opens up, but I need to not be a ‘space’ in someone else’s surroundings. I need me and my family to be us in our own surroundings. I miss that expression of me. I express most of my creativity in my surroundings and that has been stifled, stuck, pent up for too long now. I now my time is coming soon – it’s not permanent – and we all do what we have to do sometimes so thus the rant. Since this is my rant, I’m not even going to re-read it, spell check it, or grammar check it (which is not easy for me but theraputic).
So taking a deep breath….
Yes, I’m feeling better now that I’ve unleashed my inner rantings and thrown it up for you to enjoy. I hope no one is actually reading this and I should just delete it, but instead I’m going to leave it because I don’t have to be perfect and worry about what others may think of me and my writing. This has been freeing for me and I think I may even try it again.
*disclaimer: my life is not bad, actually quite the opposite. I am very blessed and have a wonderful family. It was just one of those days. We all have ’em might just tend to build then pop.